I just smoked. I am drinking a beer. Jazz radio is in tune. Yet I have no words. For all intends and purposes, I am wordless. Why am I wordless? Is it because I seek reality. And I am confused if anything is real. Authentic or genuine, if their is anything, what would it be. I want to think of myself as a sophisticated person. I listen to Jazz, I enjoy alcohol and often I smoke, which I do not really like. It feels phony, yet i am compelled to smoke. I blame TV. Authentic has to be new and fresh but all I see is twisted and blended into writer’s style but it is not authentic. May be I seek false and I am living with false notions.


Their are times when laptop, pen, notepad and water bottle lying on my desk, precisely tucked bed, night lamp and bookshelf in my room feel unreal. As if I am living in a fantasy world. The reality is so perfectly real that it seems to be unreal. The voice in my head and music does not feel as an outcry of my consciousness but more like virus in my brain. Trying to wake me up. Like something wants me to get in touch with the eternal. Is their an ultimate truth an answer to all questions? What is the purpose of doing?

Dispirited Life.

Vincent Van Gogh was a troubled painter. He lived a dispirited life. He used substances and slept with prostitutes. He had no family of his own and no physical belongings except his paintings which he sold to a nights stay or one or two warm meals. He started painting in his thirties and lived his life in doubt and delusion. His painting are now worth millions. Is living on the edge made him great?

I woke up this morning checked my emails and social media. I had my tea and read news. I played video games and checked emails and social media. Will i ever be a fraction as great as Von Gogh was?

India and Walmart.

The current log jam in Indian parliament over foreign direct investment is worrying. It is not a new phenomena but it is more common than actual gentlemen’s discussion. Our eminent parliamentarians are used to fighting rather than discussing the issue. I wonder how long this is going to go. We as a citizen lose important discussion time and end up with crippled bills and laws.

Should the government insist on FDI for foreign firms for up to 51%? It is a tricky economic dilemma. India is a country of 1.2 billion people. The Slate reports that only 8% of urban populations do their shopping in an organized shopping center. That means 92% of people still go to the mom and pop stores. The small store owners deal with a long chain of middlemen who bargain for best prices and then people bargain and barter for the goods.

The mom and pop stores make every owner their own boss. The firms like Walmart and Tesco have a very bad record of employee care. Long hours, short pay and tough customer service. I wonder how sustainable is it. A big chain provides usually provides same line of products at cheaper price throughout the country. For a big country like India, supermarkets are unavoidable.